Faking it: The real deal on this "Lifestyle Expert"

"FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT!"

I've made a successful career out of faking it - and you can too!  After all these years, I just can't hide the surprise on my face when people comment on how I manage to be so "talented at things". 

Truth is, I'm mediocre.  At best.  Always have been, always will be.  I have no true talents - can't sing, can't dance, can't change a tire, can't really cook, can't waterski, can't skate, can't get organized... But I sure can make it look like I've got legit skills - thanks to some hacks and fake-outs I've learned along the way!

Even this blog as you'll notice is called, "Almost Mother Of The Year" - I'm not even going to pretend that I'm a fabulous Mom - and yet I give off the impression that I've got this parenting thing nailed down - tight!  When you meet my kids in real life -  the mismatched socks, bed-head, faint trace of non-localized b.o. and indiscriminate stains tell you otherwise.  Dang kids.  Just can't get them on-board Mom's marketing strategy.

Allow me to introduce myself!

Hi, I'm Kasie Savage and I'm a Lifestyle Expert on TV, radio, social media and in print!

I have decided to come clean and let you all in on my grand fakery after an incident occurred back in December 2016.  I bumped into an acquaintance who had invited some friends over for drinks the night before.  I had not been invited.  She coyly confessed that the reason I didn't get an invite, was because she still had not decorated her Christmas tree and feared a "Lifestyle Expert" such as myself, would think less of her and her naked pine.  I was actually not shocked to hear this.  You see, to pay the bills,  I play the role of "Lifestyle Expert" - a catch-all title steeped in marketing savvy that ensures I can get hired for just about anything.  Nobody on TV is looking to glean insights from a "half-assed cook", "average parent", "home and decor dimwit" or "fashion failure"...  It's a matter of self-preservation that I paint myself with a very rose-coloured hue for public consumption.  Unfortunately, this bleeds into my real life and I find myself fielding questions from friends on topics I know very little about (i.e. most things).  For example, "When to decorate a Christmas tree", "How to get blood out of carpet", "Which perennials are best for semi-shade", "Which Greek yogurt brand is highest in protein", "How to wax an upper lip" - and to these questions I typically answer, "I have no flippin' idea, Google it".  But people don't like that response - they want answers from a "Lifestyle Expert" and so I'm often shamed into just rambling on as best I can until I can safely redirect the conversation to topics I do know well - hot sauce, neighbourhood real estate prices and songs from the 90's.

So now you're wondering to yourself, "Yeah but, I've seen some of your social media posts Kasie and you do look like you've got your shit together!"

Best quote ever: "Do not compare your real life to their highlight reel".  Social media is a highlight reel.  If I posted pics of my blotchy morning-face, angry-outbursts at the kids and relentless plucking of my eyebrows, I would certainly get some sympathy but I would not get any employment opportunities.  

Yet, in order to be hired as a "Lifestyle Expert" I do indeed have to be able to pull Martha Stewart-esque results out of a hand-woven Boho-influenced hat every once in a while.  This can be easily accomplished with a semi-decent-ish project and a ton of photo editing.  Crop the pic, adjust the brightness, add a filter, tilt the angles, adjust the filter again, crop, post, edit, then post again...and hope like hell nobody zooms in close enough to my decorative wood accent wall to notice it's on a 15 degree angle because the "Lifestyle Expert" didn't use a level.  Oops.  Whatevs, as the kids say.

My son's Black Belt cake - a store bought slab from the grocery store
that I scraped the icing off of and dressed in an entire box of rolled fondant.
Looked awesome - tasted awful.  

The jig is up people.  If you cut the Lifestyle Expert, she bleeds red and runs for a band-aid - and then Googles "how to get blood out of carpet" - nothing uber talented and special about me.  I'm just like everyone else -  I just get paid to sugar-coat, filter and auto-adjust my image when it's lights, camera, action!

So the next time you avoid inviting me to a party because you're afraid your chips n' dip aren't up to my standards, remember this, I have no standards!  Unless I'm being paid to have standards in which case, they are exceedingly, ridiculously high, on-trend and available at a retailer near you, for a limited time.