Kasie Savage: (almost) Mother of the Year

One of my absolute favourite Mother's Day cards can be found on the internet - it shows a woman applying to "Motherhood Inc." and she's reading through the employment contract - "One vacation day a year?!  That's all I get?!" she proclaims.  "We call it Mother's Day but technically you still have to work" says the interviewer.  So true. Every card a Mom gets on Mother's Day preaches the same utopic nonsense - advising Moms to "relax", "kick back", "pamper yourself"...  These cards are typically all written by men.  Have you ever noticed that men have no problem treating themselves to a full day with legs up, beverage in hand and mind empty of thoughts?  They don't even need it to be Father's Day!  It can just be any ol' Wednesday....sadly sometimes, the occasional deadbeat Dad will try and pull this stunt on Mother's Day - not cool.  Men are intrinsically wired to "unwind and chil...

What would I rather do than wear a bathing suit in public?   I would rather have day-long dental surgery without anesthetic. I would rather have a pap-smear from a swarthy looking male medical student on day 1 of his residency. I would rather clean up stomach-flu from an airport washroom. I think you get the point.  I would rather do anything than expose my white, pasty, thrice-pregnant, veiny, Mom-bod in public, whilst wearing what amounts to a spandex bra and undies.  Ewww.  I just threw-up in my mouth thinking about it.  There's nothing worse for many of us, than bathing suit season.  Thank god I don't live in a tropical country.  In fact, one quick search on Ancestry.com reveals that I descend from a long-line of insufferable female prudes who migrated further and further north over the centuries in search colder climes where head-to-toe apparel was required for at least 10 months of the year.  Don't even get me started on shorts! ...

38 years ago, my young hopeful parents Louise and Leslie felt confident that their soon-to-be bundle of joy (me) was  going to be a bouncing baby boy!  Oh the joy!  You see, there were already two little girl cousins in the family and the grandparents all had their fingers and toes crossed hoping for their first grandson!!!  The crib was assembled and the name was picked - Casey.  His name would be Casey. And then on August 17th, 1977 at 8:42am, the words "it's a girl!" changed everything...or at least the spelling of my name.  In the moments following the birth of a daughter and not a son, my parents decided to keep the name Casey, but change the spelling to what they thought looked girlier: K-A-S-I-E.  And the rest is just a gong-show of mispronounced misery (for me). Look at my face: "Really?  Kasie?  Nobody can pronounce that Mom!"   To this day, I actually dread handing over my I.D. to people, or seeing people read my na...